…when people start the conversation with “Hows the mini?”…..
…and when you reply “There’s a little problem…”
…and then they say “…again?!?!?!?!”
…you check your oil level & engine fluids daily
…you park in the trolley bays at supermarkets
…The oil patch on your drive is bigger than your car.
…you slap people who ask for a 13mm spanner
…you pull you arm out from the back of a block your no longer surprised to see your watch is missing
…when not driving a mini you find out it’s really hard to do 30mph round every corner.
…you’ve got really strong arms from all the steering
…you’re on first name terms with all the AA patrol guys
…you can listen to the music without any fuss or bother…but everyone else can’t due to the supposed engine/exhaust noise
…when you see stones as boulders and pot holes as canyons.
…when you break your dads car thinking the heater knob is a choke
…when Mr Bean is your hero
…when you cant drive a car with power steering
…you look for an excuse to go for a drive
…it takes 2 trips to do a week’s shopping
…you look for small gaps to sqeeze through - just because you can!
…If you see a mini in a carpark, you have to park next to it
…you bleed all over the kitchen whilst looking for some white spirit, and finally give up by wrapping a bit of kitchen towel around their partially severed finger
…when some one asks how many minis you have and you answer in fractions
…when you assess what tools to take with you based on distance of the drive
… you get embarrassed at the thought of it not starting in work’s car park. And when you breathe that sigh of relief when it eventually does.
…you park on hills to make it easier to bump start on your own
…pulling up for petrol you’re not bothered what side the pump is on as the nozzle easily reaches the tank
…you have to roll the car onto pieces of wood to make it high enough to get a trolley jack underneath
…you love the look on your mates face when he tells you he paid £165 for one Toyota Supra ball joint and you tell him you just paid £12 for 4
…strangers stop and make nice comments about your car when it’s getting a clean
…you’re tool box contains spanners that have been cut in half
…you can tell the difference between a 1/2 inch and 13mm nut by just looking at them.
…your girlfriend doesn’t like your new Gas Spax as they make her boobs bounce.
…you view the outside line on a roundabout as an overtaking opportunity.
…you actually worry when their are no clunks, clanks and rattles coming from the engine bay
…you’re checking underneath for holes with a hammer, and don’t want to hit to hard cause you know your find lots
…you get up early, so you can spent 10mins on a cold icy day de-misting the windows and scraping the ice away!
…you drive for 50 miles in a hire car before changing in to 5th gear
…you can remember the plug, tappets and points gaps even if you can’t remember your partner’s birthday.
…you can left foot brake and double declutch while holding a clothes peg and steering one handed.
…you open the bonnet more often than you open the boot.
…you park next to Porsches on purpose with an wicked glint in your eye knowing your car is going to get more admiring looks ‘n comments
…It takes £1.50 at the jet wash not £4
…when you can look under the bonnet and actually see what’s what, and not masses of electronics and black plastic covers
… You carry a bottle of water in your car and it’s not for drinking.
… Your favourite aftershave is Autoglym
… Your idea of a dirty weekend involves you, your Mini and a box of spanners
…When you put your gloves on in the winter when getting into your car
…When you have an ice scraper…for the inside
…When you don’t mind being stuck in traffic, cause you’re in your mini (but secretly fear it overheating)
…when you open the garage door and wander if the pool of liquid under the car is brake fluid, oil, or water
…you go outside after a heavy downpour to make sure his interior is dry
…when you accelerate into corners when everyone else brakes
…You wish you had fifth gear on a long journey
…You smell of ‘Mini’
…you carry a complete kitchen towel to aid winter visibility
…Multistorey carparks are actually fun places to be.
…you have better conversations with your car than you do with your mates.
…you get ‘ditched’ because you spend too much time with your car.
…you consider an uphill, double S bend a source of great amusement.
…you have more car cleaning products than your girlfriend has cosmetics.
…when you yell “Wooohoooo” at a top of a hill!

Then you KNOW you own a Mini!